Never be the Same
by Half of Halves
Summary: The Rebellion was a success and Katniss and Peeta are back in District 12, but Katniss is running out of time to decide whether or not she loves Peeta. One-Shot Songfic inspired by "Never be the Same" by RED.


**I haven't written a fanfiction in a long time and this is my first songfic. It's also a one-shot. I hope you guys enjoy it. :) Please review.**

Song: " Never be the Same" by RED

_Katniss's POV_

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 18 years old. I survived the Hunger Games. I was the Mockingjay. I live back home in District 12. Peeta Mellark is my neighbor. Peeta loves me. I'm not sure if I love him._

It's been eight months since the Rebellion, but I am scarred for the rest of my life. I still have horrific nightmares that cause me to thrash around and scream in my sleep. At least Peeta has made a habit of sleeping next to me at night so he can comfort me when the nightmares come.

I look over at him without fidgeting too much because I don't want to wake him. He looks so peaceful in his sleep and I can't help but wonder how under different circumstances, he wouldn't be next to me right now. The question that haunts me is: Do I love Peeta? After faking a romance and pregnancy with him for the Capitol, I'm not sure if I truly love him like he loves me.

Suddenly, I feel Peeta's grip tighten as his arm that always protected me and held me close now restricts my breathing to short pants. I struggle to escape his firm hold on me, but after a couple of minutes I collapse onto the hardwood floor. I quickly regain my composure and stand by the door. I know better than to be near Peeta when he has a flashback, it only makes things worse. Even still, I hate seeing him like this, I hate the Capitol for hijacking him, and I hate that I can't be next to him right now. I notice his body relaxing and I slowly tiptoe to his side of the bed. I can tell he is awake because his open eyes are fixed on the ceiling and his body is trembling. I place my hand on his sweaty palm in attempt to console him.

_I know you, who are you now?_

_Look into my eyes if you can't remember,_

_Do you remember?_

My mind races back to the day that Peeta confessed his love for me on national television and to our moments together at the 74th Hunger Games. When I proposed that we eat the Nightlock, had I done that because I loved Peeta? I know that President Snow didn't think so because he had told me I had to prove that I wasn't trying to start a rebellion by doing that. Though, all those times I had kissed Peeta, I felt something different than the times I kissed Gale. With Peeta, I felt alive and whole inside, like I was where I belonged.

_I can see, I can still find, you're the only voice my heart can recognize._

_But I can't hear you now._

_Peeta's POV_

I know that Katniss is next to me, but I can't decide whether I love or hate her. My mind is fogged with the shiny memories that play in my head repeatedly. My heart jumps when she puts her hand on mine and I feel a strange warmth all over my body; her touch calms me. Nevertheless, I can't differentiate between what's real and not real right now. I hate this. I hate that I can't remember who Katniss is to me..is she my friend, neighbor, acquaintance, lover, fiance, or enemy? All I know is that she changed my life forever the day of the Reaping.

_I'll never be the same,_

_I gotta find the memories, the promises, our yesterdays when I belonged to you._

As the "real" memories become more prominent, I have to use all my might not to cry. How could I even think of Katniss as my enemy? I have been in love with her ever since we were five years old.

_I just can't walk away, cuz after loving you, I could never be the same._

_Katniss's POV_

I'm not sure if I can handle this anymore. I thought that with Gale moving to District 2, I would figure out who I really loved. I want to run away into the woods and leave my past behind. I never wanted to get married or have children, Gale and Peeta knew that and I still ending hurting them. Then again, I would be alone with no one to keep me sane, especially when I had my nightmares. Peeta has been there for me and loved me unconditionally, even when he knew that I didn't love him back. All those nights he came into my room to calm me down and to be with me. Surely, two people who are "just friends" don't do these things. I didn't realize I was crying until Peeta kissed the tear away that had fallen on my cheek.

_And how can I pretend I never knew you, like it was all a dream._

_I know, I'll never forget the way I always felt with you beside me, and how you loved me then._

Peeta still loves me. As if he can read my mind, he sits up and motions for me to sit next to him.

"Katniss, we have to talk," he says and looks me directly in the eyes. Those piercing blue eyes that can see into my soul. He puts his hands on his lap, then continues, "You know that I love you more than my life itself, but I don't want to waste your time by holding you back from living your life. I know that you love me, I'm just not sure if it's in the same way I feel about you." Peeta's voice is full of pain and I struggle to keep my eyes focused on his. Even though it's pitch black in the room, I can see the tears streaming down his face, knowing I'm the one who is causing them. I can't help but feel the same way I felt the day I found out that the Capitol was holding Peeta hostage.

_You led me here, then I watched you disappear._

_You left this emptiness inside and I can't turn back time._

Peeta looks down for a moment, then asks "You love me. Real or not real?"

A new wave of emotions crashes over me and I realize that I don't want to lose him again.

After a few minutes of silence, he sighs heavily and begins to stand up, but I tug on his arm and sit him back down.

_No, stay, nothing compares to you._

_I can't let you go._

I wrap my arms around his neck, look him straight in the eyes, and respond, "Real."


End file.
